Dear Friends, I want to bring you up to date on how I am doing and the status of the Foundation that Tom and I started together back in 1984.
I am writing a book that chronicles my life with Tom and the many years after he left us, during which I put my full attention into keeping his influence in culture alive, especially within our own gay communities. As co-founder and President of the Foundation, I worked to establish Tom’s rightful place within the realm of contemporary art and his status as a Finnish artist within his homeland. The working title is: Being the Tool for the gift Tom of Finland.
I came into our community’s culture in 1969 and immediately started attending gay liberation dances. I am still very close with a friend I met at the time while working at Café Figueroa in 1970. I was a busboy and he was the dishwasher, Lloyd Clayton. He went on to become the executive director of the Mayme A. Clayton Library & Museum, dedicated to preserving and documenting Black American History and Culture. Neither of us had university degrees, but what we both had was plenty of passion to make a difference. Let us be an example of the power that one artist, one devoted volunteer who is dedicated to their community’s culture, can achieve in one’s lifetime.
I first encountered Tom’s work in 1976 on an ad for a bike run at the Spike Bar in New York. It was the first time art had evoked such an emotional response out of me, and so I rolled up the poster and slipped it into the sleeve of my leather jacket. Even when Tom’s work was pirated and reproduced poorly, his messaging still came through to us developing homosexuals.
The next day I had a photo shoot at Target Studios, part of the prizes I received for winning Mr. Eagle’s Nest. There I met another remarkable artist, Etienne aka Dom Orejudos, who identified the artwork for me. He told me, “ Why yes, this is Tom of Finland, he is very famous” and then asked me if I wanted his address so I could write to him. I said sure, why not! Thus began a correspondence that turned into a deeply personal relationship and business partnership, which led to, among other things, Tom copywriting his work for the first time and the creation of the Tom of Finland Company, and then onto the creation of the Tom of Finland Foundation.
The greatest hurdle to overcome was always in front of Tom and me. That being how society held our community, their judgments and evaluations of us, and how they held our artwork. Tom and I challenged the notion that our art and culture should be demeaned because it was sexual in its nature. It has been an upward climb to get society and our own community to raise their consciousness to see that it is a gift of freedom, our ability to treasure the beauty that we naturally were given, the pleasure and integration of our being, having the keenness in appreciating and celebrating who we are through art that expresses our nature.
Throughout his life, Tom remained steadfast in his mission to raise the self-esteem of gays. I have never felt this mission was reserved for gay men solely, but included all marginalized sexual communities. Our artist-in-residence program has demonstrated how Tom’s message transcends all social, gender, and cultural boundaries, inspiring the breadth of our diverse, global community. The visual expression of sexual liberation belongs to everybody.
It took the Foundation’s years of relentless prodding of academia before Tom’s influence on the gay liberation movement was recognized, in the pride and boosting of self-esteem he was able to invoke with his art. Tom of Finland inspired a generation of gay men who came of age with his work as a model of what their lives could be. It was young graduate art students such as Richard Hawkins and their professors such as Mike Kelly who included Tom in their presentations, being liberated themselves by his freedom and unwillingness to back down and make his work more acceptable to the mainstream. This same generation of young people, those twenty-something radicals, became the gay liberation front. They rejected the guilt and shame for being what we are by Mother Nature herself. Who would have thought that the force that came forth was built with our artists, our shamans, who removed the shame and guilt that society had used to suppress us for countless eras of time. It took a village, but Tom of Finland truly stands out as an undying force that stood for freedom of expression and being proud of being who one was: Gay, homosexual, queer, faggot, lesbian, dyke, take your pick.
It was rarely easy, but I was so fortunate to have created my profession. I doubt that I could have achieved many of my accomplishments if my mission was for my own success. Being the tool for this amazing artist has always been an honor. Tom had given us the gift of seeing ourselves as whole and complete, the freedom to be out and proud, and to choose how we desired to present ourselves. No matter how hard things got, I never gave up. I was steadfast in my determination, first for Tom, and then for all the array of amazing fellow artists that followed in his footsteps. We created annual art fairs; major exhibitions of Tom’s work across Europe and North America, emerging artist contests, an artist-in-residence program; museum tours of the Tom House, educating the public on the backstories of hundreds of artists that are part of our community’s culture.
In 2025, I was asked to be a judge at IML. I normally never accept invitations to be a judge, and that is for multiple reasons, as I personally think that we are all potentially winners of our own design. I then reflected on my first IML in 1979 when one of the producers Dom Orejudos, known as the artist Etienne, who was a really good friend, asked me to enter. I got the American Uniform Association, of which I was a member to sponsor me. The results were interesting. It was a tie for first Place between myself and David Gloss. The judges decided that they would determine the winner by the tally master flipping a coin. Well, the rest is history: I was the first runner-up. I thought it was time for me to pay it back by giving my time to IML. I was given a volunteer who was there to make sure I got my statement in and the four photos were three in color and one black and white.
What followed was this individual, in collusion with two others decided to out me without confronting me first, posted the one photo with a swastika emblem on my leather cap. these photos to social media. They were offended that in the photos, I was wearing old school leather gear that had the swastika symbol on them.
I stand by the public statements I made to Facebook at the time, namely that I do not tolerate antisemitism, racism, hatred, or discrimination of any kind. I understand political tides have shifted and our communities have become vigilant in rooting out those that are hostile to our safety and well being. However, after a long period of reflection, I feel I owe it to myself and my community to offer my own perspective.
During the seventies and into the eighties, a vital part of gay culture in the men ’s community was sexual exploration. Our culture was about exploring our sexual behaviours and continuing practice of engaging in play. We took on roles in sex play using our imaginations, something we just never saw any sense in stopping, because it was so much fun. This enjoyment really had a positive impact in becoming a well-rounded individual. This was one of the more significant differences we did not share with the heteronormative society we existed within. As an elder in the community, I have told many young people to try on as many coats in life. The ones that fit you will become part of you the others will just fall away without any effort. Thus, the motto to explore, to have adventures and discover what works for you. That was the case in sexual exploration relationships and communal living, which is how the Tom House got started. Many of the artists of that era, including Tom, were creating scenarios of masters and slaves, cops and robbers, GIs and sadistic nazis. The great part of all of this is we never gave up playing around, especially within the confines of sex play.
The Director of IML could have made a phone call, or sent an email, but to just be thrown under the bus publicly, without any opportunity to respond, was extremely hurtful. This was the organization where I was the first IML, if I had won the flip of a coin to break the tie. This was the same organization that the artist Etienne, who did his share of nazi drawings, created the contest alongside his partner Chuck Renslow. Their official statement was they did not want any nazis to be associated with the IML. I am not a nazi, nor was Etienne. We were from a generation where they were a defeated enemy, and the adoption of their aesthetics into sexual fantasies was as commonplace as dressing up like a pup, a cop, a soldier, or a cowboy.
Any deep dive into my forty plus years at the helm would clearly demonstrate my character ’s worth. I have brought trans-youth, kicked out and made homeless by their parents into my home. I have championed artists from every religious and cultural background, every gender-expression and sexuality for over forty years. I am the man who will defend your right to present yourself in any fashion you feel expresses yourself. My mother’s quote was you can judge someone by the proof that is in the pudding.
This letter would not be complete unless I included my personal disappointment with my own leather community, with some stating publicly that they would not support the Foundation any longer, others just distanced themselves from doing activities or fundraisers on our behalf blocking my receiving a humanitarian award at a leather function. What was needed was for queer historians to point out how sex-nazis were woven into the fabric of leather culture. It was about appropriation for our own pleasures, rather than with any connection to hateful ideology. Come on, folks. There are real life neo-nazis out there. Do I fit the profile?
The Foundation’s board did not do any better. I was given the choice to step down from the Presidency of the board of Directors and also my paid position of employment at the Foundation or be fired. I was once again thrown under the bus, this time by my own board. What I did know for sure is that I would do everything I could to mitigate damage control of this uninformed population. with the Foundation that Tom and I created and I had nurtured its growth over the past 40 plus years.
I did not want to harm the child I had raised for the past 40 years so I did what was being asked of me. Once I was off the board and no longer an employee, I was treated as an outsider, very rarely being included or informed on decision making.
Over the past 15 months, as a volunteer I continued to do what came naturally, attended to the artist ’s needs, acted as a docent for tours and continued to work on the background material for Tom’s work and for the hundreds of other artists. As this is my home, I have kept up the maintenance of Tom House and the property, and have been involved heavily in producing every event here at the House. As this is my child, I have done everything I can to help support it even as my relationship to it changed dramatically. I somehow have been able to hire my own assistant and stay on top of my bills, like the mortgage. I just put on a new roof which I had to do, otherwise my insurance company was going to drop me.
The current situation with the Foundation is sad and hurtful. After I expressed frustration and concern over their treatment of me, I was told by them I had to communicate through attorneys. I wish I could say more about this but I have been advised by my legal team to not discuss it.
What I can share is what is public knowledge:
They have laid everyone off, and there is now no staff at the Foundation. They eliminated the positions of archivist & registrar, artist coordinator, donor and membership coordinator, and multiple director positions. The knowledge base historically will be lost, for they do not have the expertise or passion to make sure all of that is recorded before our dedicated team was off, which occurred abruptly at a staff meeting, without even the courtesy of a private meeting.
After 40 years of doing exhibitions and programming, we were able to stay afloat. Now, over the past five years we have had five executive directors, not one of their contracts were renewed. Frankly, they did not know quite how to run a non- profit gay cultural organization. The board is not being transparent, with me or the public, on what their agenda is for the Foundation. They have moved Tom’s original art offsite to a private storage facility. They did not pay July or August rent to me as the landlord of TOM House, which I am dependent on to pay my mortgage and support myself. Word has spread that they are suspending all activity at Tom House.
If you are concerned about any of these developments please write to the board, their contact information can be found below.
[email protected] Robert Knox Hayes Chairman
[email protected] David Aldea Treasurer
[email protected] Nolan Feng Secretary
[email protected] Brooke Wise Curator
[email protected] Joshua Hauth Vice Chairman & Branding
If anyone wants to speak to me about this, further please reach out.
Yours,
Durk Dehner